


of cereal bars and spam

by Anonymous



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crushes, Cute, Gay, Grocery Shopping, Kissing, M/M, Shoplifting, Walmart, if i committed a crime for this to feel more real no i didnt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-12 20:47:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29765367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: donghyuck has a talent of stealing not only groceries but also hearts - renjun’s in particular
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan
Comments: 2
Kudos: 24
Collections: NCT Walmart Fic Fest R1





	of cereal bars and spam

**Author's Note:**

> well. this was a very interesting fic to write and the first part of this may or may not be written from my own experience

_"Are you really trying to say you've never shoplifted?"_ Donghyuck had been so surprised to hear that Renjun had not, in fact, _stolen_ anything. _"Like, never ever?"_

Renjun had felt ashamed to admit that no, indeed, he had never borrowed from a store. It wasn't even anything shameful - not stealing was a good thing last time he checked. But Donghyuck had been so shocked and rendered in disbelief that Renjun was _convinced_ that he had done something wrong.

So going to a Walmart to shoplift a knickknack seemed like the next logical thing to do. Renjun didn't tell Donghyuck about his plans, instead deciding to do his research on his own. Reddit was a wonderful place to find things out in excruciating detail. Though the post had a condescending tone, the author of it clearly disapproving of shoplifting (yet giving great advice, nonetheless), Renjun managed to learn a lot from it.

The main thing was to not look at the cameras. That was the most suspicious thing one could do. And _oh no_ , Renjun looked straight into a camera. Rookie mistake. Sometimes people looked at security cameras, right? Not everyone who looked at a security camera was a criminal. Renjun felt his heart rate go up.

_Okay, okay, just get out of this aisle, it's fine._

Renjun grabbed a bottle of Sprite and went to the next aisle. _Perfect_. There were a bunch of cereal bars to choose from. The boy took the cheapest one and walked along.

He just had to slip the cereal bar into his pocket and it'd be done - he'd buy the bottle of Sprite and no one would be the wiser. Renjun had hidden the cereal bar behind his phone so it was impossible to see that he had something in his hand other than his phone from the camera looming over him. Yet, just as he was about to slip his phone with the cereal bar in his pocket, someone stood behind him in the line. _They'd definitely notice_. Renjun cursed under his breath. His plan had been foiled and now he had to _buy_ a cereal bar he didn't even want.

Renjun should've asked Donghyuck for advice instead of just reading a dumb reply to a post on Reddit that he didn't even remember anything from.

"The other cash register doesn't have a line, you can go there," the person in front of him pointed out.

Renjun had been so deep in thought that he had forgotten to look around and notice the cash register with the least people in front of him. "Oh, thank you!" Renjun said as he left for the other cash register. He put the bottle of Sprite on the conveyor belt and his phone _with the cereal bar_ in his pocket. The boy felt like his heart was about to make its way up his oesophagus and descend to the conveyor belt right next to the bottle of Sprite that the cashier was ringing up.

"That's going to be a dollar fifty," the cashier said, the lack of care in her words obvious. Renjun was sure for some reason that even if he just took the Sprite and ran without paying, the cashier would not do anything to stop him. That didn't deter Renjun's hands from shaking as he opened his wallet and passed some money to the cashier, who gave him back fifty cents.

Renjun thanked the woman, wishing her a good day, and left the store way faster than he had entered it.

The boy took a deep breath as he speed-walked as far as he could from the store. He took his phone and called Donghyuck, who answered him after a few rings.

"I just shoplifted a fucking cereal bar," Renjun yelled through a whisper into his phone. "Donghyuck, I fucking _shoplifted_ a _cereal bar_ that I didn't even want."

"Hello to you too, my dear criminal friend," Donghyuck said, laughing. "How did it feel?"

"I'm pretty sure I'm about to go into a cardiac arrest over sixty cents," Renjun cried out. "How the _fuck_ do you do this?"

"I live by the motto _be gay, do crimes_. It hasn't failed me yet. We should do it together sometime," Donghyuck offered. "I've heard that you can get way more things when you're not alone."

"I'm _never_ doing this again, good fucking god," Renjun said.

***

"Tell me again - why are we going to _Walmart_ of all stores? We have a Target way closer to us," Renjun asked Donghyuck, who was driving perhaps a bit too recklessly, cursing out every other driver. Renjun did not feel safe in the car with his friend, but somehow Donghyuck was the only one out of his friends with a driving licence.

"I'm banned from Target," Donghyuck said matter-of-factly. "At least the locations closest to us," he elaborated.

"You're _what?_ " Renjun screeched.

"I was learning how to shoplift there. Got noticed a few times and was banned. I talked them out of calling the police on me, thankfully," Donghyuck explained. The boy acted so nonchalant about it as if it wasn't a big deal. Renjun could _not_ believe this. "It's fine, the employees at Walmart wouldn't care if you were to sacrifice your firstborn in the dairy aisle."

Renjun sighed and slid down in the car seat. This was going to be a long day. He had no idea how Donghyuck had managed to talk him into learning how to _'professionally shoplift'_. Yet this was their plan for the day. Renjun, apparently, just _had_ to know this very important life skill. 

To be fair, Donghyuck could talk Renjun into anything. First of all, he was a goddamn _Gemini._ Second of all, Renjun was a tiny bit enamoured by the boy who was yelling such well-sounding words as _dickwad_ and _fucktard_ at the person who took his parking space. Third of all, Renjun hoped that there was some part of him that also wanted to learn how to shoplift and that it wasn't him just succumbing to Donghyuck's influence.

"Let's go?" Donghyuck asked as he smiled at Renjun encouragingly.

"Yeah," Renjun replied, getting out of the car.

Donghyuck took hold of Renjun's hand and almost dragged the boy to the store. Renjun wished the yellow lights would fall on his head as they went through the entrance. Unfortunately, that didn't happen, both him and Donghyuck entering the store unharmed and ready to steal.

Renjun deeply inhaled and exhaled. Donghyuck knew what he was doing. Renjun was _not_ going to get in trouble, not when he was holding Donghyuck's goddamn hand.

"How about aiming for something more than a cereal bar this time?" Donghyuck asked teasingly. "I think I could go for a new eyeshadow palette or a perfume," the boy hummed, taking a shopping cart. He still hadn't let go of Renjun's hand and the boy couldn't understand if his heart was racing because of that or the prospect of committing a crime. _Again._

"Sure," Renjun barely croaked out. Donghyuck gave him a toothy smile and suddenly all was well in the world once again. Shoplifting from a large corporation like Walmart was barely even a crime anyway, especially when Donghyuck did it. Nothing _Donghyuck_ did could be wrong, right?

The things people did for love.

Not that Renjun _loved_ Donghyuck - well, he did, but just as a friend, nothing more. Don't take it the wrong way. Renjun just _liked_ him. It was a dumb silly crush. Sure, it had lasted for a year or so already and was showing no signs of disappearing, but that didn't mean anything. Renjun was sure that Donghyuck was everyone's crush - the charisma he exuded was impossible.

Renjun was not in love with Donghyuck. He was just ready to do anything in his powers to make Donghyuck happy, whatever it took, and holding the boy's hand made Renjun's heart do somersaults, but that was totally normal and didn't mean anything.

Renjun was also absolutely _not_ in denial.

"Stop thinking about it so much," Donghyuck said cheerfully, that _goddamned smile_ not leaving his face. "Just take whatever you want."

Donghyuck took a candy bar and put it in his pocket carelessly - yet discreetly - as if to demonstrate his point. Renjun wanted to say that his shoplifting abilities were obstructed by Donghyuck holding his hand, but that made no difference to the other boy, so, Renjun supposed, it shouldn't for him either. He wasn't a professional like Donghyuck yet, but he was learning from the best.

They continued through the store calmly, stopping to put something in their shared cart once in a while. Renjun supposed that Walmart was a great place to steal from. The people there couldn't care less, customers and employees alike. Everyone looked slightly dead behind the eyes and Renjun didn't blame them.

So far the pocket of Renjun's hoodie only contained a cheap set of paintbrushes, a packet of jolly ranchers. And a small can of spam. The boy didn't particularly need any of these things, but if he saw the opportunity, he took it.

If he desperately desired Donghyuck's approval, no he didn't.

They were now in the cheese aisle. Renjun didn't know exactly why because it wasn't like they'd steal a block of cheese, but the boy was ready to follow Donghyuck wherever - and not only in Walmart. Donghyuck took some cheddar and put it in the cart.

They were still holding hands.

"May I offer you a taste test, lads?" An employee spoke, looking at Renjun. The boy whipped his head around in surprise to check if he wasn't talking to anyone else, but it was only him and Donghyuck there. "It's Great Value Muenster Cheese! The flavour profile is incredible - take a sample, don't be shy!"

The employee, whose nametag read 'Yedam' _(Renjun thought it was ironic that he wasn't advertising Edam cheese instead)_ , passed them a plate of small cheese cubes. Renjun was about to take one, but Donghyuck picked one up and fed it to Renjun with a small chuckle, getting one for himself afterwards. Renjun did not blush. It was simply very hot and he had a hoodie on.

"Well, this _certainly_ has an amazing flavour profile. Thank you! I'll definitely buy one of these." Donghyuck smiled cheekily and took a small block of cheese from the stand. Renjun had no idea why Donghyuck would need so much cheese, but he decided to keep quiet about it. If Donghyuck wanted to flirt with the cheese man by buying his cheese, Renjun was not the one to stop him.

He probably wouldn't flirt with someone while holding another person's hand, but Donghyuck had his way with people, so Renjun didn't think of it too much. He _refused_ to think about it. Not that he was jealous, of course. Donghyuck could do anything he wanted to, he was, as _Super Junior_ had put it, sexy, free and single, and Renjun could not change that.

"Let's go, love," Donghyuck said, this time to Renjun.

Renjun was sure his body just took a screenshot. Donghyuck? Calling him love? Renjun couldn't believe it. Sure, Donghyuck was affectionate and called people cute pet names, but _Donghyuck_ calling him _love_ was unheard of. Renjun wouldn't mind hearing it again and again.

"We need to finally go get that eyeshadow palette I've been gunning for," Donghyuck hummed. He was now dragging Renjun to the cosmetics section.

"Anything for you, _love_ ," Renjun teased. That was the only thing Renjun could do to not give away the fact that he had an absolutely small, minuscule crush on the boy. Their whole relationship was based on bickering and fighting, so had he not said it, Donghyuck would've caught on and Renjun would have to skip town out of embarrassment.

"Couples are less suspicious," Donghyuck muttered, blood rushing to his cheeks and painting them with a slight pink tinge. Renjun had never seen _Donghyuck_ embarrassed, the boy was the most confident and _un-embarrassable_ person on planet Earth. And yet, somehow Renjun had managed the impossible. It was a painfully cute sight.

Oh, to keep living in this fantasy... If it took stealing from Walmart to imagine that Donghyuck was his boyfriend, Renjun could make the sacrifice. Donghyuck was worth it. Maybe Renjun would change his mind when he was caught and questioned by the police, but for now, he was more than content with how things were going.

"Oh, so we're a couple now?" Renjun smiled and chuckled. "You should've let me know earlier, I would've taken you out on a date."

"This can be our first," Donghyuck flirted, having gained back his composure. Renjun would've choked on his saliva if his mouth wasn't as dry as the Sahara desert on a sunny day from the stress of _what if we get caught, what if ten police cars are waiting for us outside, what if we get throttled by security in two seconds._

"Could've taken me _at least_ to Costco," Renjun shot back. He refused to think about the fact that Donghyuck was teasing and/or flirting with him. The boy could scream into his pillow later tonight before falling asleep. "I guess at least it's not the 99 Cents Only store."

"Don't get your hopes up," Donghyuck sing-songed. "Walmart is the best _and_ the worst you're going to get from me."

"So basically I'm _only_ getting Walmart from you," Renjun said.

"More or less, yeah," Donghyuck replied with a laugh. "This can be our place."

_Our place_. That sounded like music to Renjun's ears. Not that he really wanted _Walmart_ to be their thing, but if that's what it took - Renjun was not the one to argue. He was, unfortunately, not Celine Dion in that his heart was far from going on. Now Walmart would always be associated with Donghyuck in his mind. Renjun hoped Donghyuck wouldn't mind that - he knew _he_ wouldn't want to be the first thing someone thought about when hearing the word Walmart.

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom, you stay here," Donghyuck said, letting go of Renjun's hand.

Renjun's hand had never felt so cold before. Suddenly it was a _necessity_ to be holding Donghyuck's hand. Instead of voicing that, though, Renjun just said: "Okay."

The boy stood at their cart while Donghyuck went on to use the bathroom - Renjun couldn't believe Donghyuck couldn't wait for a few more minutes until they were gone and were not at risk for getting caught, but, he supposed, Donghyuck knew best after all. Renjun checked his social media feed in an attempt to seem as inconspicuous as possible.

Donghyuck returned in a few minutes, maybe one or two later than Renjun thought it would take. "We should get out soon before we attract attention," Donghyuck said quietly with a smile on his face. He took Renjun's hand in his again and led him away from the cosmetics aisle, pushing the shopping cart with one hand.

"Didn't you want an eyeshadow palette?" Renjun asked, confused. The entire premise of this was getting _something bigger than a cereal bar_ aka an eyeshadow palette. Renjun was also confused about Donghyuck wanting to steal an eyeshadow palette from _Walmart_ of all places, but he decided it'd be best not to ask.

"Why do you think I went to the bathroom?" Donghyuck giggled.

"Well, most people go there to take a leak, but I suppose you don't pee," Renjun muttered.

"Oh, dummy, not in _Walmart_ bathrooms. People only go there to remove security tags off of shit," Donghyuck explained. "Speaking of which - I need to get rid of them somewhere around here. We don't want to start beeping out of a sudden, do we?" he asked rhetorically. "It's bad to leave them in the bathroom's trash," Donghyuck elaborated.

"You amaze me," Renjun mumbled, not even intending for Donghyuck to hear it. He did, though, responding with a small chuckle. It wasn't a lie, Donghyuck just didn't have to know it.

An employee said something incomprehensible over the intercom, which made Donghyuck swear under his breath, but it didn't make the smile on his face disappear. Renjun narrowed his eyes, looking at Donghyuck.

"What?" he asked carefully. Renjun was not a fan of Donghyuck's sudden mood change as he squeezed Renjun's hand tighter and moved a bit faster.

"That's usually the code they use for shoplifting," Donghyuck explained. "It's fine, don't worry. It's happened before and I'm still here. Just gotta divert their attention."

Renjun hummed affirmatively and followed Donghyuck to the cash registers. He grew increasingly aware of the Walmart employee following behind them but paid them no attention - Donghyuck didn't seem to either.

They entered the clothes aisle and strolled through it, Donghyuck picking out a shirt once in a while and putting it against Renjun as if considering getting something for him. Renjun saw out of the corner of his eye that the employee that had been following them approaching and his heart threatened a cardiac arrest.

And he was pretty sure he also went into one, but for a different reason. Donghyuck pulled Renjun by his collar and their lips met suddenly. The boy was too confused to kiss back at first, being caught off guard like that, but he reciprocated as soon as he processed the situation. Renjun couldn't believe his and Donghyuck's first kiss was in a fucking Walmart. This really was _their place_ now. Out of every scenario Renjun had made up in his mind about him and Donghyuck, this had somehow not been one of them.

The employee that had been approaching them cleared his throat to get the boys' attention and Donghyuck broke the kiss, his cheeks once again having a pink tinge. Renjun was sure that his were fully red, just like the ugly Christmas sweater that Donghyuck was holding in one of his hands right now.

"This is a public place, it'd be best to tone it down with the PDA," the employee told them off and left, not mentioning their so-far-successful attempt at shoplifting.

"Oh, of course, we're sorry," Donghyuck shouted at the employee as they were leaving. "And now we go," he said quietly, this time to Renjun.

Renjun followed him in stunned silence. He was never going to be over this.

"To be fair, I didn't think our first kiss would be in a Walmart either," Donghyuck murmured. "But this is the best thing that could distract people from what we were doing."

"You've thought about our first kiss?" Renjun nearly screeched. This is not a conversation he _wanted_ to have in Walmart, but it was a conversation he _needed_ to have in one. The boy wasn't ready to exit the store without having _the talk_.

"Haven't you?" Donghyuck asked. Renjun saw the boy raise an eyebrow at that and smirk. "I might be stupid, but I'm not oblivious."

"I cannot believe this," Renjun said.

"We can have this talk on the way back, though," Donghyuck said, leading them to the cash registers.

"No." Renjun stopped in his tracks. "I wanna talk about it here and now. And preferably very fast."

Donghyuck stopped, too. "Renjun, we're in the middle of the deli aisle. Is this really the place you want to talk about our feelings?"

"Well, we shared our first kiss in the clothing section of a Walmart, I don't think it can get worse than that," Renjun countered. He thought he brought up a very good point. Donghyuck laughed in response.

"Okay, that's true. A short version of this talk would be I like you and if you like me too, then I would love to take you out on a date. This time not to a Walmart," Donghyuck quickly said, looking around to see if no one else was approaching them.

"Yeah, that's great. I'm okay with that. Let's go - both on a date and to pay," Renjun agreed. He continued to the cash registers, him being the one to lead the way this time.

"That was easy."

"Are you calling me easy?" Renjun bickered with a chuckle.

"Incredibly." Donghyuck stuck out his tongue.

Renjun could not believe their first romantic dinner would be with a can of spam.


End file.
